My life is anything but easy and often times has me feeling like Alice in Wonderland, not really sure what is going to happen next and like I may be very much living in an alternate reality. I often get told I don’t know how you do it, special needs mom of four kiddos on the spectrum, military wife to a soldier who isn’t always able to be there because he is a part of something much bigger then our tiny little sliver of the universe. Most recently a woman that struggles with PTSD and her own demons.

I would often respond with I’m not sure either. Which led me to actually sit and think on it for a little bit today. I have more on my plate then pretty much anyone else I know and there are definitely days, weeks, months that I really don’t know how I do it, but when I thought of it I started to realize that there are most definitely some very important contributing factors that help to make it all happen, that make life easier and those things deserve recognition because without them I’m not sure that I would be here fighting, healing and surviving.

1. I FIGHT for it, and I fight damn hard. Sometimes having to take on battles that seem insurmountable and doomed to fail. I go in with a mindset of making things happen and don’t accept any less then what my family and I need and deserve. Call me a bitch, an advocate, a loud mouth trouble maker or whatever else you want to call me, but I fight to make sure that we are surviving and thriving. Time and time again I go in scared, my voice shaking sitting on my trembling hands, choking back tears and swallowing fears so that I can fight for the things that I need to survive and make it through the days. It shouldn’t have to be a battle but sadly it is more often then not. When your fighting against a broken mental health system an overwhelmed education system and a special needs system that’s not really designed to think outside of the box and that’s bursting at the seams, sometimes you have to find the warrior within and fight. I found that warrior thanks to my kids pulling out the mama bear inside of me and most recently I have found the warrior that fights for my own wellness. 

2. I know when to ask for help and am open to accepting it when offered. Asking for help is probably one of the hardest things anyone can do and accepting help is incredibly difficult. It makes us feel less then somehow like we have failed at life, broken and vulnerable. We have to be strong enough to admit that we can not fight alone and vulnerable enough to open up our lives to others to see all of the messy broken parts that we want to hide and not talk about. If we do not ask though those around us do not know what we need or what they can do to help. As much as I’d like to think everyone in my life is a mind reader the reality is this is far from true and often times people don’t know what to do to help you or even that you may be struggling and sometimes they are afraid to even offer for fear you will get upset. Being clear with what I need and accepting help when it is offered is incredibly important to making things easier for myself and my family. 

3. I created my tribe. I surround myself with those that get it, people that do not judge when I am struggling and offer a shoulder and support when I need it. The people that help me to see through the darkness to the good. The light bringer’s, rebels and those not afraid to be real and raw. The warriors that fight, the ones that help raise others up rather then tearing them down and the ones that help to raise the vibe of the tribe. This doesn’t mean that it is all sunshine and rose’s, far from it, this means my tribe vents, cry’s and feels all the feels, then they get up to fight again. The ones that surround each other during the difficult times and are there to celebrate the wins and cherish the good. The friends that know that life isn’t always great or easy but they see me and they see the value in our friendship even in those difficult times. 

4. I let things go. There are so many things in my life that I can not control and that I have to carry the burden of, responsibilities that I can not let go of and that I am unable to share with others even though I’d really like to. I have learned to let things go that are not important, things that in the big scheme of life are just not that big of a deal. My sanity is worth far more then fighting over certain things and letting things go helps to take away some of those burdens we all to often place on ourselves, the unrealistic expectations that society places on us. The judgment of those that are set in not understanding or accepting. The relationships that take more out of us then they give. Letting things go is incredibly freeing and has helped with my healing process and with finding a calm in my life. 

5. I keep laughing. I laugh and I look for those rainbows in the dark because sometimes the storms come in fast and fierce and last for longer then I’d like leaving us sitting in the dark searching for the damn candles to give a small glimmer of light , a box of soggy matches in my hand wondering where the hell I put my lighter. I try to live my life embracing the good, celebrating the wins no matter how small and laughing because life is better when we are laughing and if I don’t laugh I’ll cry. Laughing is good for the soul and helps to heal. When you look for and embrace the good even the scary hard things don’t seem quite so difficult. Life is far to short to not stop to marvel at the rainbows. 

6. I love with all of my heart. Every single decision I make is made from a place of love. I fight because of love. I help others from a place of love. I laugh and smile because of love. I go through life with love and hope and the knowledge that a decision made from the heart has never let me down. Love has a way of healing hurts, when I have sat with a broken heart it has reminded me of what is truly important in life. 

I am not a rock star, I have just learned how to make my life a little bit easier, how to protect my heart from turning to cold. Lessons often learned in amongst the chaos of storms and embraced for the sole purpose of survival. 

Life is hard, know your worth and do not be afraid to fight for what you need speak up and ask for help. Surround yourself with the ones that come to find you in the dark and that want to see you succeed, not the ones that tear you down and ignore your pain. Know when to let things go for the simple fact that things are heavy and that you are only one person. 

Healing this wildflower one day at a time and learning and growing along the way.

Jessy Kewley